The Mormon Miseries
Disclaimer: The following are based on the author's personal opinion.
Oh, the many idiosyncrasies of Jesus-freak denominations.
I am a self-proclaimed anti-religion merely because I am contented acknowledging just one God--the Omnipotent, Omnipresent Creator, specifically.
So please. Before you attempt to crush my humanity with your caustic barbs and call me the 'anti-christ in baby pink', consider this: every person is entitled to his/her own beliefs.
As if some form of a stunt on an April Fool's Day, I came across a 1970s photocopy of a Mormon 'guide' entitled Steps in Overcoming [the urge to perform] Masturbation by a certain Mark E. Petersen of the Council of the 12 Apostles. Here goes:
1. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind.
2. When in bed, if that is where you have your problem for the most part,
dress yourself for the night so securely that you cannot easily touch your vital parts, and so that it would be difficult and time consuming for you to remove those clothes. By the time you started to remove protective clothing you would have sufficiently controlled your thinking that the temptation would leave you.
3. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell "STOP!!!" to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind and then recite a pre-chosen Scripture or sing an inspirational hymn.
4. Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be with others and learn to enjoy working and talking to them. Use principles of developing friendships found in books such as 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' by Dale Carnegie.
5. In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove while half asleep.
I recall Carrie White, the lead character in Stephen King's brilliant debut thriller
Carrie and her Jesus-freak mother who holes her up in their miserable cottage.
Margaret White (Piper Laurie): "I can see your dirty pillows!"
Carrie (Sissy Spacek): "They are called breasts, Mama. And every woman has them."
Oh, the many idiosyncrasies of Jesus-freak denominations.
I am a self-proclaimed anti-religion merely because I am contented acknowledging just one God--the Omnipotent, Omnipresent Creator, specifically.
So please. Before you attempt to crush my humanity with your caustic barbs and call me the 'anti-christ in baby pink', consider this: every person is entitled to his/her own beliefs.
As if some form of a stunt on an April Fool's Day, I came across a 1970s photocopy of a Mormon 'guide' entitled Steps in Overcoming [the urge to perform] Masturbation by a certain Mark E. Petersen of the Council of the 12 Apostles. Here goes:
1. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind. Just to be in their presence will keep your problem foremost in your mind.
2. When in bed, if that is where you have your problem for the most part,
dress yourself for the night so securely that you cannot easily touch your vital parts, and so that it would be difficult and time consuming for you to remove those clothes. By the time you started to remove protective clothing you would have sufficiently controlled your thinking that the temptation would leave you.
3. When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell "STOP!!!" to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind and then recite a pre-chosen Scripture or sing an inspirational hymn.
4. Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be with others and learn to enjoy working and talking to them. Use principles of developing friendships found in books such as 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' by Dale Carnegie.
5. In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove while half asleep.
I recall Carrie White, the lead character in Stephen King's brilliant debut thriller
Carrie and her Jesus-freak mother who holes her up in their miserable cottage.
Margaret White (Piper Laurie): "I can see your dirty pillows!"
Carrie (Sissy Spacek): "They are called breasts, Mama. And every woman has them."
