Why Ellen Degeneres and goddamn stupid show should die.
Ellen-lovers, housewives, people with low self-esteem and those who love wasting their lives away watching meaningless television -- go away. It’s not that I have anything against you, it’s just that I have something against crap television and crap television talk show hosts.
There’s this cruel joke that’s been going on for awhile – I’ve had the absolute misfortune of catching The Ellen DeGeneres Show numerous times on separate mornings for an extended period of time. It’s not as if I don’t have enough -- to quote Peter Griffin -- to grind my gears when I wake up in the morning already: I have to go to uni and I hate uni, there’s no more milk left in the fridge, I have to go to uni and I hate uni, the washing machine is shit, et cetera. All I’m wanting is a little background noise, so I turn on the tele and then all I hear is “And now, Ellen DeGeneres!” and then I see her dancing. Oh mama.
Apart from Ellen-lovers, people with low self-esteem and those who love wasting their lives away watching meaningless television; I really cannot fathom why anyone would want to tune in to watch this woman (or man, depending on how you look at it) talk, dance and talk some more. Actually, I simply cannot even fathom why she has been allowed to live, let alone to even have her own syndicated (Did you hear that?! I said syndicated! Syndicated!! Everyone run for your lives!) talk show.
In my humble opinion, The Ellen DeGeneres Show isn’t even half as good as all that other crap that's shown on Australian TV like Medium or Law and Order: Criminal Intent. You know, watching a middle-aged, fat and frumpy Patricia Arquette with her half-assed ugly husband and a Vincent D’onofrio who has terminal Parkinsons is still better than watching The Ellen DeGeneres Show. The only reason why shows like Medium and Law and Order: Criminal Intent are still running is because they're good to watch when nothing else better is on, anyone from your father to your father's brother's godfather's sister-in-law's cousin twice removed would know that. Unless they prefer watching The Ellen Degeneres Show, to which I fart in their general direction.
To Miss DeGeneres (I said "Miss", not "Ms", we're supposed to be all PC nowadays right): Nobody wants to see you dance because you dance like shit. And nobody wants to hear you talk about the last dinner conversation you had with a waiter in Canada. Wait, nobody wants to hear you talk, period. And if you really do have to talk because you would just die if you didn’t, then you should learn how to stop talking like Dory from Finding Nemo on crack and speed at the same time. You know, I used to like Dory from Finding Nemo – I thought she was cute until you ruined it all for me by being Dory every single time on your stupid show, you stupid crack ho. You’re annoying as hell, you dance like shit, you talk shit, and you should change your wardrobe instead of wearing pants, a t-shirt and a blazer all the goddamn time. Put simply, you’re annoying as hell.
Has life become so devoid of hope and meaning that I need people like Ellen or Martha to tell me that I am worth something only when she makes my dreams come true, or when I finally learn how to make the perfect pot roast? Why would I need someone like Oprah to inspire me just because she interviewed some kid who survived after having his face smashed in by a truck? (Not to say that said interview actually took place, I'm just hypothesizing.) But I digress.
In a nutshell, The Ellen DeGeneres Show is shit, and Ellen DeGeneres is annoying as hell. Being annoying should be a crime against humanity, and Ellen DeGeneres should be shot.
"How dare you!" you say?
Like, yeah, whatever.
There’s this cruel joke that’s been going on for awhile – I’ve had the absolute misfortune of catching The Ellen DeGeneres Show numerous times on separate mornings for an extended period of time. It’s not as if I don’t have enough -- to quote Peter Griffin -- to grind my gears when I wake up in the morning already: I have to go to uni and I hate uni, there’s no more milk left in the fridge, I have to go to uni and I hate uni, the washing machine is shit, et cetera. All I’m wanting is a little background noise, so I turn on the tele and then all I hear is “And now, Ellen DeGeneres!” and then I see her dancing. Oh mama.
Apart from Ellen-lovers, people with low self-esteem and those who love wasting their lives away watching meaningless television; I really cannot fathom why anyone would want to tune in to watch this woman (or man, depending on how you look at it) talk, dance and talk some more. Actually, I simply cannot even fathom why she has been allowed to live, let alone to even have her own syndicated (Did you hear that?! I said syndicated! Syndicated!! Everyone run for your lives!) talk show.
In my humble opinion, The Ellen DeGeneres Show isn’t even half as good as all that other crap that's shown on Australian TV like Medium or Law and Order: Criminal Intent. You know, watching a middle-aged, fat and frumpy Patricia Arquette with her half-assed ugly husband and a Vincent D’onofrio who has terminal Parkinsons is still better than watching The Ellen DeGeneres Show. The only reason why shows like Medium and Law and Order: Criminal Intent are still running is because they're good to watch when nothing else better is on, anyone from your father to your father's brother's godfather's sister-in-law's cousin twice removed would know that. Unless they prefer watching The Ellen Degeneres Show, to which I fart in their general direction.
To Miss DeGeneres (I said "Miss", not "Ms", we're supposed to be all PC nowadays right): Nobody wants to see you dance because you dance like shit. And nobody wants to hear you talk about the last dinner conversation you had with a waiter in Canada. Wait, nobody wants to hear you talk, period. And if you really do have to talk because you would just die if you didn’t, then you should learn how to stop talking like Dory from Finding Nemo on crack and speed at the same time. You know, I used to like Dory from Finding Nemo – I thought she was cute until you ruined it all for me by being Dory every single time on your stupid show, you stupid crack ho. You’re annoying as hell, you dance like shit, you talk shit, and you should change your wardrobe instead of wearing pants, a t-shirt and a blazer all the goddamn time. Put simply, you’re annoying as hell.
Has life become so devoid of hope and meaning that I need people like Ellen or Martha to tell me that I am worth something only when she makes my dreams come true, or when I finally learn how to make the perfect pot roast? Why would I need someone like Oprah to inspire me just because she interviewed some kid who survived after having his face smashed in by a truck? (Not to say that said interview actually took place, I'm just hypothesizing.) But I digress.
In a nutshell, The Ellen DeGeneres Show is shit, and Ellen DeGeneres is annoying as hell. Being annoying should be a crime against humanity, and Ellen DeGeneres should be shot.
"How dare you!" you say?
Like, yeah, whatever.
Million Dollar Ideas
$1,000,000 ideas
-threethumbs
It a pain to look at her, and speaking truthfully, a pain to listen to her. I hope she rots in a gutter somewhere soon, as to spare us her overly redundant-completely-meaningl ess torture sessions she dubs "talk shows".